I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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