k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
