I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Randomize
