she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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