You can't motorboat a personality
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't turn off my feet"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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