So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
