Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
