Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
