yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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