I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
