I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
