Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
