I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
