no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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