the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
operation harelip BJ is a go
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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