Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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