I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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