I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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