I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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