I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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