What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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