I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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