Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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