weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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