I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
