he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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