I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
