I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Semen is not good for contacts.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
