Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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