The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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