I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
