Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
