He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
