O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
