I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
