I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Mom said you looked used
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
