when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
