was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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