maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
