Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
