you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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