god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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