Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
