you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
