He had one of those small greek statue penises
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
