So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
