Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
