Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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