I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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