i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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