he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
