she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
