Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
