If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
