Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Houston, we have a blender
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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