he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
