i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
