so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
