I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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