Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
