it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
