Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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