because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
