it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
