I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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