Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
