1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
