I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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