So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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