who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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