would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
