You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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